The Rhyming Festival

Tonight was a nice relaxing night. All back to normal and I actually cooked dinner for the first time in a while (we were away and no use cooking a real meal when it's just me and the kiddos). The kids both had baths and Quinn read a story to Keely (A Fish Out of Water). His reading skills are really getting good, and he's tackling chapter books on his own. When we were all sitting in Keely's room, he said to me: "Mama, I have a busy day tomorrow. I have Spanish, P.E., picking up Nana, a birthday party, movie night and the rhyming festival. That's 6 things!"

Let me explain a couple of those -- see Friday is typically movie night, or rather pretty much the only night we turn the TV on before the kids are in bed. It was supposed to be game night, but Keely was really too young to play games when we started it so it turned into movie night and it's stuck.

Now the rhyming festival. All week, Keely has been talking about this festival she is putting on in her room, and we are all invited. She will be picking books out (presumably ones that rhyme) and serving cupcakes (presumably made in her Cupcake Maker she got for Christmas) and beer (presumably bought by an adult and consumed only by the adults in attendance). She says I am her helper and I will be setting everything up with her in the morning after Pre-K. So we'll see what happens tomorrow, sounds like she has quite an event planned for us :)

Quinn also discovered his 5th loose tooth this afternoon...don't hold your breath, we'll be lucky to see it before his 8th birthday!

So it will be a busy day, in addition to the things Quinn mentioned I am taking Keely for her 5 year checkup and her Kindergarten immunizations. She's typically a trooper and doesn't cry too much...but she will deserve a party after those!

The End

Today marks my last official day of pay, including severance and accrued PTO. Thus it marks the beginning of the financial woes. I am in a much better frame of mind, regarding the old job and my new outlook. Apparently though I am going to have to stop writing about my feelings on the old job as it seems I have a lot of new readers and the writing is causing some drama that was unintended. This is probably too vague, I know. In any event, I am grateful to have new readers but people, comments please!!! It's nice to have feedback and know you are out there. I am safe to stick to family activities and the kids' lives but I have to be more careful about what I say about myself. Which leads me to a thought that has occurred to me more and more lately -- make the blog private. That way, if you want to read you have to e-mail me first and I will give you a password. I really don't want it to come to this, but I also don't want the things I say on here to jeopardize any friendships, or a new employment situation, or anything else. I will continue to ponder that...

So back to the job search, and life in general. I am still up and down with emotions and outlook but James is back now and that is definitely good for my attitude. I had a good day today, with two positive conversations and two resumes sent out. I still have some contacts to call and follow up calls to make. And I am doing all of my homework on Plan B, which is to start down the path to get my teaching license for secondary math or science. I am now familiar with the process and feel like it would be a good plan to get me a job by at least August. It's definitely something I have toyed with in the past, and something I believe I would enjoy. But the thing holding me back is $$$. As is common knowledge, teachers do not get paid a lot. And I have to invest a bit of money just to apply for the program, and then I will have to take courses and tests through the next couple of years to obtain the license. The good news is that I can begin to work a regular teaching position while I am going through the courses and tests. It's really just the money thing holding me back, and I hate that money has to be the governing force in life. I hate when I have hopes and dreams and then money, or lack of money deflates those hopes and dreams. It's rough, and life is just not fair sometimes. And now I am done being melodramatic :) I will probably wait just a few more weeks before putting the initial steps of Plan B in effect. I had a good meeting with a potential employer on Friday and that may turn into an exciting new opportunity that could just be the change I am looking for. It's not a career change, but it's another aspect of engineering that is new to me. It will take a couple of weeks to pan out though. So that's about it for now. Tomorrow I am volunteering in Quinn's classroom again, and my mom comes to visit this weekend so that will be really fun for all of us :)

Denver

We spent the weekend in Denver. We arrived late Friday night, on a very bumpy flight due to some heavy winds in the Denver area. It was probably the bumpiest flight the kids have experienced, but they were okay. We got to our hotel and headed out to find some dinner. We chose Hard Rock Cafe, because it was close and we knew the kids would like it. It turned out to be pretty pricey and really loud and I wouldn't go again. While we were in there, it started snowing and we had to walk back to the hotel in some pretty freezing weather. Thankfully, that was the worst of the weather the whole weekend. Saturday we explored the general area, and did a lot of walking. The weather was gorgeous, bright and sunny in the 50s. First we walked over to the Convention Center and here's a picture in front of "the big blue bear" as the kids like to call him. Notice the snow on him from the night before.
Then we went to the Colorado History Museum. Kids are free on Saturdays so we were all able to get in for $14! Here are a few pictures of the kids in the museum, enjoying some of the Colorado past. Quinn got to build his own "city" out of labeled blocks (i.e. park, jail, art center, school, etc.).
Here are the kids posing on horses in the Denver history area.On the way out of the museum, we came upon an old school classroom. The door was open, so in we went and it was so cute. Only on the way out did we see the sign that said "for school groups only". Oh well, we were just a really tiny school group :) And there was a chair in the corner, so it was only appropriate that I made Keely sit there (it was for pretend only this time, but it's something I should probably implement at home!).

On the way back to the hotel, I couldn't resist a picture of the State Capitol with the brilliant blue sky behind. And of course everyone posing nicely in front of it :)
That night we ate a lovely dinner at the Paramount Cafe, complete with a nice happy hour of $3 margaritas! Oh how I miss a state with normal liquor laws :( On Sunday, we went to the Denver Art Museum. This was not such a bargain, costing $31 for the whole family and I'd say if the kids were a little older, we would have gotten more out of it. But it was not as warm of a day and thus we needed another indoor activity. I love the outside of the building, but everyone would not participate in the picture this time...
Outside under the building was this giant sculpture of a broom and dustpan. Look how small the kids look in front of it...
There were several kids areas inside the museum and those were the high points for Quinn and Keely. In another lifetime, I might have liked lingering to look at the art a tad more. The only things picture worthy was yet another opportunity to ride on a fake horse but this time with a pink hat for Keely...
and a brown hat for Quinn...
So that was about it, our whirlwind trip to Denver. We arrived home safe and sound, but tired after a long day. James will not be home until Wednesday, and we are missing him :(

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

I was the result of what is called a reduction in force, or a layoff. When this happens, the person often goes through the stages of grief associated with a death. Simply, the stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. I was lucky in that I had time to mentally prepare myself for the layoff and therefore thought I had gone through most of those stages. I had gone through denial, anger, bargaining (why not this person instead of me?), and a pretty rough down time and felt I was on my way to acceptance. I need to be there if I can be productive in my new job search and move on fully with my life. However, something happened last night that set me back to anger. I spoke with a former co-worker and was told some information about the office structure without me, I am not going to get into the details because it wouldn't make sense if you are not intimately familiar. But let's just say it had me right back to anger, and thus consumed me for most of the night. This information had me questioning the decision to even go work at this company in the first place, questioning the decisions I had made while I was there, and frankly thinking wrongful termination. Of course no one wins when lawyers get involved (except the lawyers) so I really don't think I want to go there. What I will do is ask the person to no longer inform me of happenings in the office, and I will move on. I will not let this get me down, I will be strong and rid myself of this anger. I am a mature person, and I can realize that this layoff was really the best thing to happen to me. Despite all of the information that I am hearing, despite knowing that I did not deserve my fate, I still would not want to be working there anymore. I was lied to and treated unfairly but I can move on and go to a better place. What they don't realize is that I am a very competitive person and now I want to move to another firm, do exceptionally well, and show them that letting me go was the worst mistake they ever made. And now that I have all of that off my chest, hopefully I can move back to acceptance and continue to get on with my life.

In the Throes

Can you believe that the days and weeks go by just as fast when you are not working as when you are? Well, saying I am not "working" is not true. Motherhood in itself is a job, and a full time one at that. The only time I get to myself is from 8-11 AM and that goes quickly. I made a lot of progress on the job front this week and by Friday, I was ready for a break. I applied for 8 open positions, submitted 5 resumes to other contacts, and also contacted 18 people by phone. My affiliation with ASCE has done nothing for my marketing, but is excellent for peer networking which is just what I need at this point. That said, I am not limiting myself to engineering. I have also applied for and researched a few education (i.e. teaching) options. I definitely want to have a Plan B in case this engineering market is worse than I think and nothing pans out.

Okay, so back to the week...I survived my first of being a stay at home mom and was probably not as happy of a camper at the end of the week as I was at the beginning. It's just not in my nature to stay at home, I am a better mom when I work. But it's okay, and I am trying to enjoy this break as much as possible. Volunteering in Quinn's class was fun, and I will be signing up again. It was also a nice longer break from Keely that we both needed. She and I had several battles throughout the week, and she will be breaking the bank by changing her outfit 18 times a day so that I have to do more laundry than usual. She takes this so much more lightly than Quinn, and while she knows that I'm not working anymore, she doesn't think any more deeply than that. Quinn though thinks a lot more about it, and suggests jobs for me. He also prayed for me in school, and I was touched by that. He is such a tender hearted child and I hope he stays that way as he ages!

An upside to this break is that I am exercising more, I worked out 6 of the last 8 days, most of those doing 30-35 minutes of cardio. But the downside is that I have more time for cooking and baking, so I'm eating all these yummy (and probably fatty) things.

Alright, into another week we go. The kids have off tomorrow for President's Day, and then back to school and the weekly routine. We leave for a quick weekend trip to Denver on Friday and we are all looking forward to that! It should be another quick week, and I hope to finish off contacting the rest of my accumulated contact list and apply for another few jobs before the week is out. Then the tough part will begin, the waiting for someone to call. That is the hardest for me because I hate being out of control with anything in my life!

The New Normal

Today was the first official day of unemployment for me. I actually was glad not to be going back to work, but then I kept getting scared feelings that I had to push away. The early morning was normal, getting the kids up and ready to school at 8 AM. Then it was back home to work, reminiscent of the first year we lived here when I worked at home. I hope I was productive with my 3 hours alone, I updated my resumes, applied online for two jobs and made a few phone calls to contacts. I got in touch with a few people, and was semi disturbed by the responses. There is just not much out there in the engineering field right now, specifically civil consulting. Which I guess is also semi refreshing to me because the thought of going to just another consulting firm makes me sort of ill. So I am forced to think outside the box, but hoping that the horrible economy doesn't make me unmarketable in a new line of work. Anyways, 3 hours went quickly and then it was time to pick up Keely. She and I then have 4 hours until we pick up Quinn. We ran some errands, did some housework and cleaned her room. We got Quinn at 3 PM and then it started snowing like mad. But wait a few minutes and the weather changes...then he spent an hour or so riding around the neighborhood on bikes and scooters with one of his classmates who lives around the corner. I had plenty of time to prepare dinner, with no rushing to get anything done. It was nice and the day went fairly quick. Keely is going to drive me batty though, she tests me constantly and then tells me I'm always yelling at her (not true, just her perception). So that's it, now I'm off to write a brief essay on my views of America...for another job application, not for fun. Tomorrow, I will be volunteering in Quinn's classroom and then lunchroom/playground duty. I'm looking forward to it!

Unemployed

At this time last week, I has suspicions that my life would be changing. But I tried to put those fears to rest, knowing that it was out of my control. This week was truly hard on me, emotionally and even physically. I feel like I have been to Hell and back. I've cried a lot, which is not like me. My body began to fall apart from the stress of it all. Let me back up...work has not been great the past few weeks. I've known layoffs were coming but really didn't suspect it would affect me until last week. But on Monday, it became clear to me that I wouldn't make it through this cut. My suffering didn't end until Wednesday when I talked to my boss and found out that my suspicions were mostly right. In the end, the result was they had to let me go and for me, it was really the best thing. I not only feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but my body and mind are free now. There are others who struggle still, but I know that it's over for me and I can move on with my life. Sure I am scared, change is hard. But I feel that things will be okay. I feel that I will land in a better place, and that this is a chance to change some things that I wasn't really happy with in my career. I have been in the consulting world for almost 10 years and it's time for a change. Of course, financial matters will rule and I may have to go back but it's my goal to do something different, something that feels more rewarding and valuable. I have grown a lot in the 2 1/2 years since I started with this firm, and I have learned a lot. I am grateful for the opportunities I was given, and I know these skills will help me. I will miss the people most of all, they were like a family and I hope to stay in touch. But I am grateful that my pain is over, and what is next is uncertain. For now, I am able to sleep at night and move on. I am taking the opportunity of unemployment to spend more time with those I love, those I have been neglecting. I'm finally going to get the chance to volunteer at the kids' school and I will treasure that. James is my rock, and I would not be able to endure this without him. He is the voice of reason, does nothing but support me and love me, not blaming me for anything that has happened. I am so lucky to have him by my side. I don't know what is next, but I know that I decided to be a civil engineer when I was 17 years old and that was too young. I know that my schooling has prepared me for life, and I have used it well. But now, I hope to be able to make a difference in another way. On Monday, I begin a search into the great beyond and I am excited to see where this journey takes me.