Unemployed

At this time last week, I has suspicions that my life would be changing. But I tried to put those fears to rest, knowing that it was out of my control. This week was truly hard on me, emotionally and even physically. I feel like I have been to Hell and back. I've cried a lot, which is not like me. My body began to fall apart from the stress of it all. Let me back up...work has not been great the past few weeks. I've known layoffs were coming but really didn't suspect it would affect me until last week. But on Monday, it became clear to me that I wouldn't make it through this cut. My suffering didn't end until Wednesday when I talked to my boss and found out that my suspicions were mostly right. In the end, the result was they had to let me go and for me, it was really the best thing. I not only feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, but my body and mind are free now. There are others who struggle still, but I know that it's over for me and I can move on with my life. Sure I am scared, change is hard. But I feel that things will be okay. I feel that I will land in a better place, and that this is a chance to change some things that I wasn't really happy with in my career. I have been in the consulting world for almost 10 years and it's time for a change. Of course, financial matters will rule and I may have to go back but it's my goal to do something different, something that feels more rewarding and valuable. I have grown a lot in the 2 1/2 years since I started with this firm, and I have learned a lot. I am grateful for the opportunities I was given, and I know these skills will help me. I will miss the people most of all, they were like a family and I hope to stay in touch. But I am grateful that my pain is over, and what is next is uncertain. For now, I am able to sleep at night and move on. I am taking the opportunity of unemployment to spend more time with those I love, those I have been neglecting. I'm finally going to get the chance to volunteer at the kids' school and I will treasure that. James is my rock, and I would not be able to endure this without him. He is the voice of reason, does nothing but support me and love me, not blaming me for anything that has happened. I am so lucky to have him by my side. I don't know what is next, but I know that I decided to be a civil engineer when I was 17 years old and that was too young. I know that my schooling has prepared me for life, and I have used it well. But now, I hope to be able to make a difference in another way. On Monday, I begin a search into the great beyond and I am excited to see where this journey takes me.