Grandma

Last Thursday, Grandma passed away.  Her health had declined very quickly.  We were fortunate to spend two weekends with her.  It was painful to see her, yet I wanted to be with her.  To have her know that I loved her and that I was grateful for her presence, even though it was not the grandmother I knew.  She was a shell of what she once was, her body wracked with the effects of cancer.  I'm glad that I was able to spend a few hours with her.  I cannot even think of how hard this would have been from 2,000 miles away.  I am only guilty that we were so far away for so long, and didn't spend the time with her that the rest of the family did over these last years.  Relationships are what you make of them though, and I knew and loved her and my children knew and loved their Great Grandma.  She was my last remaining grandparent, and my children's only great grandparent.  I am grateful that they knew a great grandparent at all...I did not have that luxury.  I was a lot like my grandmother, and through her wake and funeral I learned that she talked a lot about me, and spoke very proudly of the woman I have become and the children I am raising.  As my mom stated so eloquently in her eulogy, it was a side of her we did not know but a side of her we were fortunate to hear about from her friends and caretakers that she encountered in her last weeks and days. 

Quinn and Keely had never experienced the death of an immediate family member.  They were very brave.  Quinn was very stoic, but supportive.  He understood that Great Gram was very ill, and that the end was near.  We took them to see her the first weekend we visited, and she was still mostly as they had remembered her.  We did not take them back again, they did not need to see her in that hospital bed.  Keely was very emotional.  She feeds off others emotions and seeing her loved ones upset makes her more upset.  I found I tried to keep my emotions in check because I did not want to set her off.  But at the same time, I needed to grieve and feel the loss and it's good to have your children understand that it is alright to cry, and be sad.  James had the best advice for Keely at the wake.  Great Gram would not want you to be sad and crying, she would want you to be happy.  I truly believe that.  That's why she wanted her wake and funeral simple, with a closed casket.  She was right on with her wishes, and true to her stubborn and independence she got her way even when she was not physically with us anymore.  As we were shopping at Kohl's (one of her favorites), I thought to myself now she is happy, she got us all shopping - one of her most favorite pastimes.  After Poppy died, she couldn't get out as much so QVC became one of her vices.

I'm not sure what else to say, other than we are sad that she is gone but she lived a long full life.  She lives on though in her legacy, her family. I sure hope she is happy, at peace, and with Poppy.  It is strange not to have a grandparent generation in our family anymore, it makes getting older seem that much closer.  We will miss her a lot!